Tough Love

Pick up any women’s fashion magazine, and they’ll tell you what’s in style and how to wear it – how to accessorize, what to pair it with, right down to the shoes. The trouble is, none of them ever address whether you SHOULD wear it. And with the direction fashion has been going in lately, I feel this is a necessary evil. I don’t know what’s happening with the designers lately, but so many of the trends they are introducing work only on supermodels. Sometimes I wonder, do they hate us? Are they all trying to shame us into dieting down to nothing by creating heinous and unflattering clothing (harem pants, anyone?) that will make us hate our bodies? Have they spent so much time with bony, waif-like models that they have forgotten what “normal” women’s bodies are like? Were most of the trends reserved for high-fashion, I’d appreciate them for the art that they are, and move on. Unfortunately, though, they’ve rolled down into the mainstream and into the malls, into middle-class America.

So, this is where I feel I need to step in and play the role of that brutally honest friend who will truly tell you if those jeans make your butt look big. It makes no difference how “hot” a trend is, if it doesn’t flatter you, you’re going to look like a fashion victim. In the interest of keeping it short, I’ll address just a few of the more popular ones:

Maxi dress – Please wear this only if you are relatively small chested and have toned arms. While this look is certainly the essence of laid-back, easy summer style, it covers up so much of your body that if you are busty or have untoned, flabby arms, it’s going to look matronly. I know that a lot of women gravitate toward them because they cover everything up, but the general rule of thumb is that wearing oversized or shapeless styles actually makes you look bigger. If you’re thin and have good arms, the maxi dress allows you to show them off, and leads to the assumption that everything else underneath is toned and tight, too. But if your upper half is large, the opposite is going to hold true – people are going to assume you’re lumpy and bumpy underneath – and you may not be!

Skinny jeans/pants – This trend has been around for so long that it probably needn’t be addressed. But every day I see them on women who really shouldn’t be wearing them, so I’m throwing them in here. The skinny jean obviously looks great on skinny women. No argument there. It looks fresh, sleek, and modern. This is also a great look for women who tend to carry their weight in their stomach but have thinner legs; by pairing them with a flowy top, it allows you to camoflage the tummy, while playing up your best asset, your legs. But for those gals (like me) who tend to be more pear-shaped, it’s a disaster. It creates the “ice cream cone” shape, in which all of the emphasis is drawn to the heaviest part of our bodies. The loose top that needs to be worn with these then obliterates the waist, making us look – at the very best – dumpy and at the worst, pregnant. I’ve been pregnant before, and it’s not a look I’m anxious to re-create!

Rompers – These are very popular for summer right now. Easy to throw on, they are uncomplicated and youthful. Youthful being the key here. This look is best left to the under 30 crowd. Just as wearing clothes that are too big make you look bigger, wearing clothes that are too youthful can make you look older. If you are under 30, proceed, but please avoid this style if you’re thick around the middle.

Gladiator sandals – Gorgeous for summer. But if you have thick legs, beware of styles that wrap around the calf or have an strap that wraps above the ankle; they’re going to cut your leg off at an unflattering angle and make your legs look chunky. Instead, look for styles with a T-strap that wraps below the ankle, or those with a bit of a heel, which will help elongate the leg and off-set any widening caused by the straps.

So, that’s all the tough love I have for today! Hope I didn’t offend, it was meant with love and care. Now go forth and shop with confidence.

-Jessica